To be honest, I hadn’t been happy in my job for quite some time. The job tasks were ok, sometimes challenging, which I loved, but sitting behind a desk 8 hours a day is just not for me and never has been. The management were by no means professional, the work environment was toxic and people were walking around on eggshells afraid of being yelled at, so I knew that this was not the place for me.
In the process of mentally leaving, my body and soul started to questioning WHY it is we have created a society where people need to sit inside at a desk 40 hours a week, when most of us are unhappy with this tedious task. I believe I read somewhere that over 60% of the people in America are unsatisfied with their job! Think about it ..60%! That is a lot of people, wasting great years of their lives doing things they don’t like. And I refused to become a part of that statistic.
Unfortunately my resignation didn’t go a cool headed and dignified as one might have hoped. Instead it became an emotional mess, but the end result was still the same.I now don’t have a job. And that is ok. This time around I will try and make a better choice moving forward. I will push the “safe and secure” option aside and not make a choice based on fear of the future, but instead try to focus on what my inner voice guides me to. Focus on the things will make me happy to work with. Not an easy task , when ones inner voice has been hidden for years under layers of noise. Layers of expectations, ambitions, traditions and social norms. I have asked myself many times, what it is I would like to do. What I think will make me happy but that is one of the hardest questions I have ever asked myself and one I still can not answer. I am slowly getting closer to the answer, inching my way forward by snail speed and for a person like me, that usually would like to see results already yesterday, this is hard. This is the time for me to slow down and listen. This is the time where I need to allow myself to sit in the sun or read a book or watch a movie or whatever I might like to do – with no quilt! It sounds easy, but once again I can tell you, that it has proven very hard to rewire the masculine program in my body to just sit and NOT make plans. It took over three weeks before my brain started to slow down and I could hear myself again through the noise of new ideas, opportunities, to-do lists and so on.
I know it is a luxury, but it is also a luxury which I now understand is something I need to allow myself to have. I have pushed hard for many years without allowing myself to just breathe and relax…and I am tired. Tired to the bone.
So if you ever have the opportunity, please give yourself the gift of allowing yourself some time to just be still. Allow yourself time to find the authentic you. The person you were always meant to be, because it is who you truly are at the very core.
The best of luck to you on your journey moving forward.